


trade your trust for my restraint

by Neurotoxia



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Friends With Benefits, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:47:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27458974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neurotoxia/pseuds/Neurotoxia
Summary: In the army, you help a brother out. Even when it hurts like hell.
Relationships: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Comments: 16
Kudos: 76
Collections: Flash With Benefits





	trade your trust for my restraint

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crookedspoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crookedspoon/gifts).



Cloud used to imagine his first time. In vague terms, because thinking too much about it made him blush. Tifa used to be in those idle thoughts, at first. Later, on more fanciful occasions, there was a man that shared a suspicious amount of features with General Sephiroth. Never quite him, but close. Even before he joined the military it seemed disrespectful to Cloud to be thinking like that about a hero. 

No matter who was part of his teenage fantasies, it was always something beautiful and gentle. The conclusion of a courtship. A brilliant day, a comfortable bed, a declaration of love. He may have read too many of his mother’s romance novels. 

This right now isn’t his first time, but it is much the same and that too wasn’t at all like in his dreams. 

His dreams never featured a Shinra military issue tent in a ditch outside of Banora and the hard edge of a stone in the ground digging into his forearm through the tarp and thin insulation mats. The vastly more suave Cloud of his dreams did not end up ass over teakettle spread out on one bedroll and biting another so no one would hear.

Funny, how his dreams never turn out quite right.

Above him, Zack snaps his hips and Cloud sees stars again, biting the bedroll harder to stifle the groan that spills from him unbidden. 

It’s good, it’s so, so good. And it’s Zack. If it’s your first time and you’re clueless, you really couldn’t do better than Zack. Or so Cloud thinks; not that he can compare, because Zack _was_ his first.

Maybe he should have told Zack at the time. But then Zack might have backed off and insisted Cloud deserved to have a really good time with someone he liked so it’s special.

Thing is, Cloud _had_ a good time, and he likes Zack. Likes him far too much. Cloud feels like he’s taking advantage, doing this under false pretenses. Zack doesn’t like him that way. Zack may be his best friend, but Zack likes girls – Zack talks about pretty girls and girlfriends, and never says anything about liking men.

They’re in the military. The campaigns are long and hard, bouncing between mind-numbing boredom and bursts of adrenaline churned up in fights. Women in Shinra’s armies are few in numbers, and those that are around aren’t there to sleep with the men. So, like any squadron left by themselves too long, the men turn to each other.

It’s no big deal. It’s the army. That’s what happens. Doesn’t mean it’s gay. 

Except that Cloud is at the very least a little gay and Zack has no idea. Zack probably wouldn’t do this with him if he knew. To Zack, they’re friends who help each other out while they’re stranded in the middle of nowhere. A service among brothers in arms. Once they’re back in Midgar there will be whatever gaggle of girls Zack is chasing at that moment and Cloud will be just his friend without benefits.

Zack has Cloud’s hips in a tight grip, his thrusts are forceful, angled in such a way that the sound of skin on skin is as subdued as possible. They’re in a tent, and the next isn’t far away. No one would ever breathe a word if they heard anything, least of all when it involved a SOLDIER First Class, but the strange, unwritten code of the military says you don’t advertise what you’re doing. Cloud has sometimes heard telltale sounds from other tents when he was on guard duty or went out to take a leak, but he’s pretty sure regardless that him and Zack are going at it far more often than most others.

It must be the mako, or whatever else they’re giving the SOLDIERs, because Zack wants to go all the time. Cloud hasn’t turned him down once. It’s a finite supply, and Cloud will take what he can get. He’ll worry about the inevitable heartbreak later.

Zack can never know how Cloud feels. Zack would end up guilt-ridden because he’s a kind and decent guy who’d be mortified to find out what this is doing to Cloud. And then he’d stay away so he wouldn’t hurt Cloud anymore. If Cloud were extremely unlucky Zack would be uncomfortable with having slept with a guy who wouldn't rather be with a girl and stay away all the more. Before all this, Cloud might have considered telling Zack that he’s not straight. Zack wouldn’t have minded. But even the most open-minded straight guy might bolt if he heard the transactional fucking wasn’t quite so transactional.

Zack noses the back of Cloud’s neck. Even though the temperature drops low at night in Banora this time of the year, Cloud is sweating, making the short hairs at the base of his skull stick to his neck and he can feel Zack putting them even more into disarray. He’s gently nipping and the junction between shoulder and neck, forcing Cloud to suppress another whimper. Zack never leaves marks, but you can tell that he would like to and Cloud can’t ask him to do it. It would be admitting too much.

The gentle kiss Zack places between his shoulder blades is at odds with the hard thrusts that leave Cloud sitting funny every time – but, and Cloud blushes even when he only admits it to himself, he enjoys the rough handling. Like any First Class, Zack’s strength is almost inhuman. To him, Cloud must be the same weight as a ragdoll. Being still new to the highest rank, Zack is still somewhat adjusting to the spike in power and energy you get when R&D gives you the good stuff. He’ll always ask Cloud if he hurt him, and Cloud is glad that at least, he doesn’t have to lie about that one.

Zack doesn’t hurt him, not physically. On the contrary: Cloud has never felt better in his body than when he’s trapped under Zack, feeling so full it’s on the brink of too much. Zack preps him well, although Cloud hates the fake cherry smell of the lube Zack uses. Zack says it tastes good, but Cloud hasn’t tried because he doesn’t trust Zack’s judgement on food – his friend has the palate of a five-year-old. He made the mistake of asking why you’d taste it in the first place and the explanation made his ears turn the same colour as the cartoonish cherry on the tube. By now he’s sure he’ll never be able to smell fake cherries again without getting aroused. Zack uses enough of the stuff that it makes squelching sounds whenever he first pushes into Cloud, but Zack is big and Cloud needs all the help he can get to take him.

Zack will murmur how good Cloud feels, and Cloud never understands how Zack still forms full sentences like this. The coherent part of his own brain checks out the second his muscles part around Zack’s cock, his whole body quivering with the effort of staying quiet. Cloud never would have guessed he were the guy to moan like a cheap porn star, but he knows he would do it if they were anywhere that isn’t the middle of a field surrounded by a platoon of soldiers. Zack doesn’t seem to have any trouble to keep his mouth shut, but whether that’s because he’s naturally more quiet or trained himself to be, Cloud will likely never find out. 

Above him, Zack’s pace grows more erratic, his breathing louder and the grip around Cloud’s hips tighter. He’s close, chasing his climax, and Cloud uses what little forearm strength he has left to meet Zack’s thrusts. The angle is a punishment in itself, hitting Cloud’s prostate over and over, so much, he wants to scream. But he can’t. Not even the bedroll would cover that up, so Cloud shakes with the effort, and finally, finally Zack pulls out as he goes rigid, coming all over Cloud’s ass and back with a soft groan. They’ve decided to do it this way, it’s easier to clean up than Cloud leaking come for the entire next day. It’s sticky and warm on impact. Cloud can feel some of it creeping off his right buttock down his thigh. Zack’s come has a strange viscosity, much different from Cloud’s, and Cloud has wondered if it’s another SOLDIER thing.

Sure, condoms would help, but they don’t have any and there’s no real chance of disposing of one discreetly enough to be in keeping with the ‘don’t advertise’ policy. At least Zack can’t give him anything. His genetics and immune system have been scrambled so much, any STI or other bug just bounces right off him. 

Cloud’s daze is interrupted by cloth wiping across his back –Zack’s shirt or his?– and getting flipped over. 

Zack’s mako eyes really glow in the dark, the light green hue more perceptible now than in the daylight. His gaze is always gentle, but isolated from the rest of his face, the intensity of his irises sends a shudder down Cloud’s spine. 

Sometimes, Cloud can get off from rubbing against the bedding while Zack fucks him. He’s a teenager, it doesn’t take that much. Cloud doesn’t like doing it, because it leaves him with having to rub out the stain with a damp cloth by torchlight before it dries. The downside is that when he doesn’t come by himself, it puts Zack in the awkward position of having to take care of it. Well, he doesn’t _have to_ , but Zack is too considerate not to do it. Zack never seems uneasy or hesitant about it, he even went down on Cloud a few times to finish him off. Nevertheless, Cloud can’t help but think it pushes the line of what’s acceptable among friends. Having to make himself come while Zack is right there would be awkward, too, so there’s no good solution no matter how you look at it.

Cloud fretting thoughts scatter when Zack grasps his erection with a firm hand and begins stroking him. He gasps and puts a hand over his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut so he doesn’t have to hold Zack’s gaze. Zack’s free hand slides under Cloud’s neck while his lips drag along Cloud’s jawline, something he does every time since he puzzled out that Cloud really enjoys it. It’s not quite kissing – they don’t kiss much. Zack seems willing, he’s initiated it a few times even. He just seems to enjoy using his mouth on his partner, but Cloud is reluctant. Not kissing Zack (not often, that is) makes it easier to hold onto his sanity. Kissing is what couples do. They’re not a couple, and Cloud needs the reminder if he wants to keep himself from pretending.

It doesn’t take much to send Cloud over the edge. His thighs were already trembling when Zack took hold of him, every stroke sending pleasure through his spine. Cloud’s climax is always like a gut punch, swift and surprising. His abs contract and he lifts off the bedding, moving because he can’t make a sound, and falling back onto the bed like a wet sack while he splatters his release all over his stomach and Zack’s hand.

Cloud’s brain feels like it’s cushioned in cotton wool. Do other people get this woozy from sex?

He can feel Zack wiping him down, gentle but firm, careful to get everything even in the dark. No one wants to sleep in the wet spot. As he moves, Cloud feels Zack against his thigh – he’s still half-hard. Another mako bonus. Once doesn’t always cut it for Zack. The first time it happened, Cloud made an awkward offer to go again, but Zack only chuckled and said he was fine. Cloud’s tender bottom was glad for it, Cloud himself on the other hand still wrestles with the perceived rejection. He’d use his mouth on Zack, but Cloud hasn’t found out yet how to offer without going crimson in the face and stammering, so he doesn’t.

Slow like taffy, Cloud feels around for his discarded briefs. Eventually, they land on his chest, courtesy of Zack, who doesn’t need a torch at night. He sees plenty just by moonlight. 

He wiggles into them, hearing Zack do the same thing next to him. They’ve pushed their mats together to create a big nest of bedrolls and extra blankets, which probably also violates some rules about manliness, but Zack doesn’t care too much about those. It makes sleeping in the cold easier. And well, it’s nicer for what they get up to at night, too.

Once they’ve sorted themselves out and burrowed under the covers, Zack leans over and places a kiss above Cloud’s ear.

“Thanks,” he whispers and Cloud can feel him smile against his temple. “Good night.”

There’s a band around Cloud’s heart that squeezes tight. It stings in his throat and eyes. This moment is always the worst. Zack thanking him. His good friend Cloud did him a solid, and he’s genuinely grateful. He had fun. No big deal.

“Good night,” Cloud whispers back, fighting the lump in his throat and the iron band around his heart.

He turns his back to Zack.

 _No big deal, huh?_ the small, bitter voice in his mind says as he drifts off.

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from 'Crime' by Temposhark.


End file.
